Bye-bye toxic work culture: I’m going to be broke but at least I’m stronger

Over the past two weeks, I have really been struggling with whether to keep my one and only client. As I mentioned in my last post, this was a project from the past that I had been holding on to. I had been working on it for almost three months without a signed contract or being paid. I’m not someone that works because of money* – I work because I like the work I am doing, and I was just not finding joy in this work. There were glimmers of it because of an amazing research team and two academics who hold a special place in my heart but surrounding all that like a tumor was the toxic work culture that I had left behind last year. I had been hired to do a job and was not being respected for my expertise. There was chaos and inefficiency everywhere. I could feel it all creeping into the new space that I had been carefully developing for myself this year. A space where I recognised my abilities, respected myself, and valued my time and others’. So, last week I chose myself; and said goodbye to the toxic culture. It was a difficult choice financially, but a very easy choice based on how calm and happy I am feeling again.

That’s the theme for this week – saying goodbye to toxic work cultures.

Based on some articles I have read and through conversations with others, the pandemic made a lot of us aware of how bad some of our work environments were. We were forced into a re-evaluation of our lives and how we worked and what we valued. It is no wonder that the Great Resignation happened and is apparently not abating. Work is a major part of my identity, so I value work above many things, but how I was treated at work and the way I work was the re-evaluation for me.

I don’t know how the toxic work environment starts or how it spreads but it does, and you find that even you become a part of that culture without realising it. You then start talking about the toxic work environment which perpetuates the toxicity until it drains everything from you. Almost every conversation with my best friend last year was about work and what was going wrong or was frustrating us that week. I have watched it happen to myself, my former colleagues, and my friends. I am no expert on this topic except for having experienced toxic work cultures and knowing friends who are stuck in them.

It is never the entire staff complement that makes a toxic work culture happen. It could also mean different things to different people. In my case, it isn’t necessarily late evening work calls or tight deadlines, I thrive on that stuff (as long as it isn’t because someone else hasn’t been pulling their weight). For some people, this type of work environment is toxic for them, and I respect that. I’m finding in conversations with friends and colleagues that there are a few common things that create these cultures: a lack of respect, common courtesy, trust, communication, and growth opportunities. In some places, there is just a complete lack of professionalism and so chaos and freneticism ensue.

But what does a toxic work culture do to you and those around you?

A small example: I remember at one point last year when I realised how unhappy I was at my old job and how I had been sucked into the cycle of toxicity. I had made the cardinal sin of dropping respect and common courtesy by not greeting everyone on my office floor. I didn’t even really realise that I had done it. It had just become the norm on our floor for a few months that this didn’t happen. You could actually feel that the energy on our floor was low. So, I started greeting everyone again. It was a simple change, and I don’t know if it made much of a difference to anyone there, but it made a difference to me – for a few days at least.

A broader example: the lack of respect (from some quarters) and opportunity for growth leaves you doubting yourself. You question whether you’re capable and it subconsciously eats away at your self-esteem. The lack of professionalism and chaos that ensues means that you are constantly picking up pieces and putting out fires (I enjoy this if it’s organised chaos) but it can also mean that you never know where you stand or what you’re supposed to be doing when it stems from disorganised chaos. Some people can handle all this and manage to pick themselves up day after day, week after week. Some people can’t. I could handle it but eventually chose not to.

Why do we stay in these work environments? I know it isn’t always easy to find another job, particularly when you’re trapped in the cycle of toxicity and can’t find the time to look for another one or don’t know how to articulate your value anymore. I also know from my experience that sometimes we stay because we hope that things will change or get better. Sometimes they do for a bit, but the reality is this is a culture and it doesn’t change overnight. You can try to change it for yourself by going for that new position that’s just opened up or making small changes like I did, but in the end, the culture remains.

I’m someone who always wants to tear down a broken system and build it back better again but some systems you just need to walk away from. The reality is that an individual can’t shift an entire organisational culture.

Back to my current situation. The saying goes ‘fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me’. For whatever reason, I thought by working as a consultant I would be at a distance from this toxic culture, but this wasn’t the case. So, shame on me. Over the past few months of this ‘sabbatical’, I have been looking at all I have achieved and what I bring to the table (thank you, numerous articles for CV and cover letter writing). I have had to tear down my broken system that had been created by this toxic culture and build it back better – and stronger. Now it is back to full-time job-hunting, more on the joys of this next week.

Alex the Generalist

*Yes, I do need the money too!